I am a second time around bride, and I need help
“Many people still behave a little strangely around the subject of second weddings, and being a second time around bride. So can I just set things straight, there really really is no need need to feel akward or apologetic. You fell in love – be deliriously excited! Knowing from couples across our community the old words of til death do us part, are not necessarily how things happen, and I hasten to add that is more than ok.
Finding someone you adore and love, and want to spend your future with is a blessing, usually a very honest and matter of fact one. Hundreds of marriages last, where couples do live in that happily ever after bubble. But, life also happens and every single marriage, relationship and partnership is fundamentally different.
As a result of this, second marriages are very very special, love has a second chance, a you happen to have a new happiness journey to navigate. I love to see a couple in this place empowered and assured, they just seem to appreciate comfort, nurturing respect and honesty. Often I find though, many brides have a lot of questions about a second wedding: How do we work out our vows, should it be more intimate, do we have dinner at a restaurant rather than a big reception, should we invite children?
The truth is, and I say this from my heart – do what the hell you want! Your second wedding should and can be whatever you want it to be. Please do not feel as thought you need to shroud it in secrecy, hid away from celebration, or be shy about your love and relationship. You are two people taking a step forward in your relationship – do it for you, celebrate how you feel about each other and don’t hide.
So Sam, below are my tips for your wedding, we know you will be gloriously happy as a second time around bride”. Please above everything approach this loving your partner AND don’t feel as though you have to do anything you don’t want. Oh, and when you want to share some images – let us know, we would LOVE to see what you got up to.
“Sam asked us this question and we have come up with some wonderful advice – but first a little soul and support.”
“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.”
- First and most importantantly here, I would suggest you try not to call it your second wedding, and you are so much more special than a second time around bride! Words can be quite powerful here and I wouldn’t want you in any way to think of the wedding as second place.
- This wedding, be it second, third, fourth, is just as special as anyone’s first.
- Don’t compare to your first wedding, this can lead to bias choices and subsequently you could end up ignoring your partners desires.
- However, what didn’t you like doing at your first wedding? Don’t do it again, or change it up a bit.
- Ensure speeches do not reference any history!
- Have what you couldn’t at your first wedding. That one thing you regretted not doing.
- Have as big or small a wedding as you like, ignore any advice to “go smaller second time”. This wedding should not be overshadowed in any way, so do not go small unless that is what you want to do.
- If you have to think about blended families, or special people in your life are not able to attend, then traditional roles can start to become complicated… so I say un-complicate it by ignoring traditions! If you want your mum to give you away, your step-daughter to give a speech, your son to be best man or only have your children on the top table, go for it.
- Wear what you want. A big white princess dress, a smart cream jumpsuit with a fabulous fascinator (Brides of Winchester stock the gorgeous label Charlie Brear, who have a modern, yet timeless and actually ageless style to some of their styles), a sleek sequin dress designed for you (we’d recommend Nortier Shallow for this 100%), wear exactly what you want to wear.
- Consider the guest list carefully and consider each others feelings on the matter. Are you both happy to invite particular people? That is all I will say here.
- Enjoy every moment of planning like it is your first time doing any of it, you will just know how to plan it perfectly.
Planning a second wedding may feel like a daunting task, especially when you want it to feel as meaningful and perfectly connected to you, your relationship and your love for your partner. Please remember, you can and absolutely should take control, make it authentically yours, and everything will be perfect in every way x
Oh, and remeber what I said about calling yourself a “second time around bride”….
Images by Cooper Photography, take at Winchester College